9 Months Later

Not only do I have a baby boy, he's 9 months old. Ah, I wish every day that life would slow down. Almost every night while rocking my little man to sleep, I wonder how it became bedtime already. (Yes, I do rock him instead of just laying him down, I can't help it!) After work, there are only two hours before an exhausted Sam* demands to go to sleep. I wish he could stay up a little longer and play. I kiss his fingers and tickle him under the arms just to prolong these sweet moments. Yet when he quickly stops laughing and starts fussing, I'm reminded why I'm putting him to bed.

Oh, I knew I'd enjoy motherhood. And yet this intense love still took me by surprise. I was also unprepared for the questions I'm still trying to answer: Am I spending enough time every day with my son? On workdays, I only see him for about a half hour in the morning and two hours in the evening. (Unless he decides to wake up in the middle of the night.) I miss him while I'm at work. He's at a great daycare, but he's not with me. Along with that, I'm only working 32 hours a week. Will I be able to advance in my career while only working part-time? Is that something I even care about right now? When I'm at work I do.

God, this baby boy has already brought so much joy. I love being his mom. From the moment he was born I've been crazy in love and way too over-protective. Thank you for the privilege of raising this sweet boy. Please give me wisdom in how to parent, and peace about not being with him all the time.


For those still waiting for their children, God, please send them a miracle.

*Sam is his blog name, but this is his real photo.