It's June, Again

I love this month.  The start of summer.  The month of my wedding anniversary.  Vacations.  Hope.  Maybe this June will be different.  Perhaps it won't be like the last two.

Two years ago, June was such an exciting time.  I was 28.  My husband had just finished his degree program in April 2008, and in May he landed a job, amazingly, even in Michigan's tough economy.  We were house hunting and thought we'd soon be planning for a baby.  I was sure I'd be pregnant that month.  And why not?  My sister and sister-in-law were both pregnant.  I was convinced we'd all have babies within just a few months of each other.  My husband and I were no longer preventing a pregnancy (finally).  My sisters and closest friends were all able to get pregnant without much trouble.  Why should it be any different for us?  

The worry began that winter, after months of negative pregnancy tests, but by June of 2009, I had hope again.  My body must need just a little help.  Clomid?  Sounds great!  I heard story after story of women who only needed one month on Clomid, and then a beautiful baby was born 9 months later. Again, that's how it would be for me, right?

So now, it's June again.  I've just had a lap and my RE removed endometriosis.  What a relief to have a more concrete diagnosis.  To know that a problem, potentially THE problem, was abated.  I'm starting to hear encouraging stories of women who immediately got pregnant after a lap.  Could it be that way for us? 

Yet, listen to that.  It sounds so similar to years past.  Could it be the same cycle again?  Am I looking at another winter of disappointment?  Another June of longing for a baby?  Can I let myself hope this June?

God, I'm afraid this cycle of hope and disappointment may continue, but I know it won't, can't, go on forever.  Whatever happens these next few months, we have made progress.  Thank you for that.  God, I believe you have children meant for our home.  That you have, in fact, placed this desire to mother in my heart and that it will, eventually, be fulfilled.